Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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