just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
