so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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