Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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