The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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