i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
