There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
