I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
