She is in my trunk
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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