Welp...herpes.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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