i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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