i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
