I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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