Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
