you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
