Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
