My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
