not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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