apparently the secret to your success is patron
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
