you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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