We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
