i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My penis needs a shock collar
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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