I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
