There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
