i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I want a musical about memes.
Text me some of your sweat
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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