in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
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