I cockslap morals
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
