omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My bed smells like the plague
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
