My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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