I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He better not be in your backpack
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
