i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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