Will you blow on my dice?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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