I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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