What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
