The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just high enough for therapy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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