I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
