Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
