Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You are the jesus of drinking
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
