I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
