There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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