Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
