okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
