I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
