walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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