last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
