I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
