Hey man sorry I got all grabby
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
