True but thats because hes a fetus.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
