having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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