since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
