Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
