Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
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