can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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