So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
