I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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