walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
