At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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