god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
