I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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