How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
