Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
