i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
