I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
