Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
