I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
