but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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