see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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