The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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