I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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